Fondue For Two: Jesse St James
by superdupersk8r61
Summary: Brittany's latest guest on Fondue for Two is the glee club's new show choir consultant Jesse St. James. In this episode, Brittany takes a hard-hitting look at life's toughest questions with topics such as sweater vests, hobbits, and garden vegetables.


**A/N: **So when Brittany asked Jesse to be on Fondue for Two, I thought 'how can I NOT write a fanfic for this?' And so I did. I wrote it while trying to kill time at work today so it's a bit short, but I like to think it turned out okay, even though this was my first attempt at writing Brittany. Haha. Anyway, there's a major PMC reference in it and cookies for those of you who recognize it :)

**Disclaimer: **Don't own anything. Except maybe Misty. Because even Chip belongs to my biffle sw1m4l1fe :)

* * *

><p>"Hello, everyone. This is Brittany S. Pierce and welcome to another amazing episode of Fondue for Two. Todays scheduled guest, Misty, the raccoon who lives in the dumpster behind Breadstix, couldn't be with us today because, Chip, the squirrel who runs around in my attic, asked her out on a date. And you just can't say no to Chip," The camera closed in on Brittany, highlighting the incredibly serious look on her face.<p>

Then suddenly, it vanished. "Anyway, taking Misty's place today is none other than the glee club's new show choir consultant, James," the camera panned to Brittany's left where a very confused looking Jesse St. James sat. Then camera then zoomed out, bringing both people into focus. "James, would you like a mini hot dog to dip into the cheese?" Brittany asked, gesturing to the plate and cheese in front of them.

Not knowing what else to do, Jesse took a hot dog and dipped it daintily in the cheese, barely getting any on it. "Jesse," he corrected before cautiously popping the whole thing in his mouth.

"My name's Brittany," she reminded him softly. She didn't want to embarrass him in front of her 5 weekly viewers.

Jesse laughed. "No, I know that._ My_ name is Jesse."

Brittany furrowed her eyebrows together in thought. "I thought your name was James."

"It's not," he insisted.

"Can I call you Jimmy?"

It was Jesse's turn to look confused. "I don't know why you would, seeing as James isn't my name."

"Then why do people call you James?"

Jesse thought for a moment. "Well,_ St._ James is my last name."

"Are you a real saint, like Santa Claus, or... are you a football saint, like Reggie Bush?

"Uh-" Jesse didn't quite know how to answer that one.

"Because Santa is totally awesome. But then again, Reggie Bush, is like,_ super_ fine."

He just decided he might as well go along with her. He could consider it practice for the day when he might be followed by ridiculous paparazzi. "I'm a... show choir saint?"

Brittany wrinkled her nose. "That's gross."

Jesse turned to the camera. "I'm sorry, has the interview started, or-"

Brittany reached to her right and grabbed something off the floor with what, Jesse noticed, seemed to be great difficulty. "This is my cat, Lord Tubbington," Brittany said, producing the fat feline. "He wants you to hold him," she told Jesse, depositing him into the boy's lap.

Jesse began awkwardly petting the cat. "Hey there, kitty,"

She snatched her cat out of Jesse's arms. "Lord Tubbington does not look kindly on people who disregard his noble status and do not address him in the appropriate manner," she reprimanded, sounding offended, as she placed him back on the floor.

"Okayyy," Jesse said, "Didn't you want me to judge him or something?" he asked, remembering her original offer to him to come on the show as he watched the cat amble out the open door of Brittany's room.

Brittany, however, did not seem to remember. "What I think the world really wants to know, Jimmy, is how did you feel when you, being in a glee club, found out the Mr. Schuester, the coach of your rival glee club, was your father?"

"He's not-"

She also seemed to have the attention-span of a gnat. "A follow-up question to that would be, are you worried about penchants for sweater-vests being an inherited trait? And if it turns out that it is, what exactly are you going to with all that leather?"

"I-" Jesse couldn't stay ahead of Brittany's thought processes.

"Next question: Who does your hair and how do they get it looking so greasy?"

"I don't think-"

"What I've always wanted to know is- what's it like to date a hobbit?" she asked, not giving him a chance to defend himself.

Jesse's eyes narrowed. "Are you referring to Rachel?"

"What's your favorite website?" She turned directly to the camera. "Mine is www dot gofondue dot com."

"You want me to tell you my favorite _website_?" he asked incredulously, his mind in a whirl.

"And what's your favorite band?"

In an attempt to restore some order to the interview, and perhaps actually_ answer_ a question, Jesse spoke up. "Okay, I'll do website, then band-"

Brittany seemed to have other plans. "Then movie. Then…book. Then-"

"Can I just stick to those four?" he asked quickly.

He was just as quickly shut down. "No."

Jesse regarded her curiously. "O-okay."

Brittany began ticking things off on her fingers. "Website, band, movie, book, movie that's based on a book, animal, type of dance, country in South America, letter of the alphabet, character in Harry Potter, and…garden vegetable."

It was not often that Jesse St. James had trouble coming up with appropriate words for situations. However, this was one of those times. "Are you serious?" he asked, sounding dumbfounded.

"Would you like to answer some fan-submitted questions via Twitter?"

"Why not?" he asked, shrugging. What else could he possibly do at this point.

Brittany picked up her phone. "**JugstheClown** asked 'When are you going to admit defeat and come out of the closet already? We're all dying to know.'"

"Uh…" There was literally nothing Jesse could say.

Brittany turned to the camera, smiling brightly. "And that's all the time we have for today. Join me next week when my guest will be a real life dolphin, Blaine Warbler."


End file.
